Magical

There is sometimes something magical and lovable about being oneself. Even if I am feeling awful.

Sometimes I look myself in the mirror and I love me. I love being me, find myself pretty. Enjoy myself. Want to take care of me. And here is where my recovery starts.

Maybe I shouldn’t hate my demons. Maybe I should accept them to live with them.

There is a book I am reading: The Chimp Paradox. It explains how minds works, it is very simple and I believe it serves for everyone. It doesn’t matter if you have depression, autism, or if you are a happy person. The most powerful thing I read on is right at the beginning of the book. Basically the mind has 2 parts, one is you and the other one is the chimp. When you feel upset, anxious, etc, it is not you, is the chimp.

It helps to make you feel not so bad. It helps me to separate different types of feelings and to discover who I really am.

I still struggle when the Chimp is out though. I don’t know how to control it, it takes over and I do and say things I regret later on.

[Last night, when we were discussing or talking, I thought I was right. I had my point. I know what I am talking about. Is the result of my point worth it? No. I feel lonely and harmful. I feel I am putting you down and I am sorry. I surrender and I step back. I won’t feed this feeling again, I won’t tell you this again, because after that we both lose. I prefer to life being 80% happy and having and harmonious life than being on a war]

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