I surrender

I used to be a rebel. I used to go against the stablished system. Why? For many simple reasons. When I was in my last years of school I stopped following the flow, it became difficult for me. I asked the teachers for answers. I asked them why. They make me feel very bad about myself, they would say I was rude and will report me for bad behaviour when I had explosions. I became very angry at times. Anger has dominated my life on many aspects. I passed school but the maths and science and all that I had to leave behind. I was upset that they couldn’t explain it better for me. I passed high school and I have been trough 6 years in uni. I have a degree.

But these teachers. I always blamed them for not letting me learn. I had to stop a path because once I asked why do we need to learn all this maths, they will feel offended by my questions, or think I was impertinent. But I only wanted to know. They will react on my questions and be defensive. They shut me off.

It was not only the maths. It was life. I felt I couldn’t cope, I started seeing people like these teachers, they won’t help me if I wouldn’t follow the system. Then I felt different. I felt out. I felt that it was so, so unfair though. I felt very depressed that just because you are different you are left out.

I know it is not my fault. I know the world has still a lot to learn and that compassion is not in everybody’s plate. People is selfish and protect themselves, this is normal and that’s why they act the way they do.

I surrender. I accept the fact. I shouldn’t get angry at it.

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