Fear

I was 15 when it happened. I woke up one morning feeling different. I felt I was in a dream, my body was heavy, everything was more difficult to do. And I was very aware of myself, like if I could see myself from outside. I felt like I knew what was happening, like if I had lived that before on another live. Like these things that you just know because they are, you don’t know why you know them but the fact is that you do. I cried. Felt despaired. I wanted to go back in time. I knew it will follow me forever. And I was right.

I remember changing my relation with everything around me. I started perceiving things differently, unpleasantly. And with my friends, my family. I took distance from everything, I felt I was inside a shell, away from everyone.

I have to do an effort everyday to not cry. I realised that if I want to be sane I need to keep my mind occupied. And my body, I need to do things. And even when I am doing things is very difficult for me to focus cause in my head there is always my voice reminding me that I am not capable.

 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Fear

  1. I hear you, loud and clear. And I promise, so do many others. There’s that voice in your head, and I promise you it’s just that – a voice. Not the voice of truth, or of good intentions. It’s your depression speaking, and I know that you know it wants nothing more than to bring you down, make you feel like you’re not enough. You are enough. You are capable. People care about you, so make sure you care about you. Find a comfort so strong that not even your depressive mind can speak over it. And don’t be afraid to speak to others. I know it’s hard, but if you can make an effort, it will make the future that much easier. Stay strong. 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s