The other day I was sitting on a table with a group of people that were not my friends but they were very friendly and good people. They kept talking with each other and I felt a bit out of the scene, I started thinking bad about myself, you know this feeling when you want to disappear, not to be anymore? Yeah, I feel broken, I feel nothing matters. I kind of feel this way very often. I feel my head runs a lot, thinks very fast, my body reacts to that by breathing fast. I feel uncomfortable under my own skin, that’s what I don’t want to be, to exist. But I know I will never do it, I will still exist until my times comes naturally.
That’s why I think I need pills to keep me calm and keep me away from thinking. Happy pills that make my breath settle and that take away the idea of wanting to get out of here.
I am so scared though.